The first and only fact that has gripped my attention so far in this narcoleptic runup to the election is that Angela Eagle, the member for Wallasey with a majority of 19,074, is the only person to have reached junior ministerial level as a lesbian and a former member of the Lancashire Schoolgirls cricket XI.
I am greatly indebted to the latest edition of Wisden Cricket Monthly for this valuable information and can only add, apropos of not much, that it is almost 19 years to the day since Sebastian Coe, righthand man to William Hague, allegedly struck a Swiss surfboard instructor over the head with a heavy piece of wood.
Why is it that, with all their spin-doctors, the two big parties don't fascinate us with details of this nature instead of boring us with witless lies and phoney predictions about tax and National Insurance?
They have forgotten the first maxim of communication: people, not things, are what makes this planet interesting.
I certainly have nothing against lesbians, provided they stay away from my lovely granddaughter, and I greatly applaud the now Lord Coe for getting into some Swiss upstart before he could run up the white flag of his nation's convenient neutrality.
But where is the fire in this election? More importantly, when, if ever, will any of the parties acknowledge that sport exists? This is a pretty big canvas for them to exploit, a subject which predominates in the minds of thousands who couldn't even spell Labour or Conservative.
Maybe David Beckham' s endorsement of either party, if his agent decided which would pay the greater money, would considerably influence 18 to 25-year-old voters. So far, nothing. Why? Because the two main parties are ashamed of their track records in this field.
Plaid Cymru? Well, we'll forgive them for concentrating on obscure poetry reading at the next eisteddfod and basking in the glory of their terrific Millennium Stadium. The Scottish Nationalists? Forget them, too, as they sharpen their dirks for complete independence, which hopefully they will get soon.
Dismiss the Lib-Dem completely. As far as sport is concerned their battle-bus was running on empty before it left the depot. The ones I am getting at here are my lot, the Tories, who blissfully sold off playing fields to super-market chains, and New Labour, whose lip-service to restoring sport in schools is quite pathetic.
When New Labour came in four years ago, Tony Blair ignored the hugely experienced Tom Pendry as Sports Minister and chose instead a Cockney buffoon named Tony Banks.
I shall not expand on Mr Banks' buffoonery but merely point out that he was replaced by the genuinely concerned Kate Hoey, a good egg with no power. She does not have a seat in the Cabinet and met Mr Blair only once in her first year in office.
We journalists, with no responsibility, can laugh at all these Westminster antics but, in fact, they can have quite serious consequences. England, heart of the biggest empire which ever existed, does not even have a stadium which can put on a dog show. Move over, all of you, and give someone else a chance.
